Saturday, November 02, 2013

dark warm windy nights.

Last night a warm wind blew across the city. A strange warm wind, at once gentle and warm, at the same time violent enough to rip the screen off my window and send it colliding with the pavement below.

I walked out to a park in the dark. From far back you see the black sillouette of park benches backdropped against the city below. The edge of nothingness. It's quiet. The lights glimmer silently. The wind whips at my coat. My music blares in my ears. Frenic music that blocks out the silence.

Sitting there. On the edge of darkness.

I feel that burning in my chest. The familiar welcome yet unwelcome feeling. I tried so hard to do it all my way. But here I am. It doesn't feel like my way. It feels like a trap. The trap I always knew it would be. The trap I wanted to avoid. But here I am.

I wanted to be different. I wanted to do it all differently. But somehow I did it just the same. 

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