Seems like everytime I go to India I get to experience a new and exciting ;) illness. This time, I got a normal cold right before I left. While there I drank some bad water (the fault was all mine!) and I was REALLY sick for a few days. Thanks to some lovely medicine I got better pretty quick, but I was quite weak for a while after that. It was weird, I had not really experienced the weakness of 'I feel fine until I try to walk up some stairs and then I feel like I might pass out'. Certainly a new experience. Well I recovered pretty nicely from that, but then on my long flight (a whole other story) home I started to get this strange itchy spot on my skin. By the time I got home it was a giant and horrible red raised circle and painful too!! I went to the doctor and found out I had cellulitis, which is an infection of the subcutaneous layer of your skin. Ew!
After getting on antibiotics again, I started my first semester of my nursing graduate program, which is very busy but going well so far. The cellulitis infection took some time to go away, and longer to heal. Now it has been a month and it was just about healed, when.... I got another one in a different spot. Ack. So here I am again, and wondering why I keep getting so lucky (haha). This time it is even more painful and also causing some low-grade fevers. fun fun.
My theory is that my immune system was weakened from the other two things I had, so it just is not in good shape right now. And I have the stress of grad school on top of it. Ah well, at least I get to learn about new diseases all the time for nursing! ;)
Showing posts with label adventures in living. Show all posts
Showing posts with label adventures in living. Show all posts
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Saturday, June 13, 2009
I Miss India
I miss India
The swoosh of cars, honk honking
dogs barking,
birds tweeting in the flutter leaves of the tree outside my window
it's big orange blossoming blooming in the sunshine
while the kawa hops down on my porch banister hoping I'll give him a scrap.
I miss India
The smell of dinner, spicy and hot dripping like oil from the windows of flats I pass
Mixed with earth, rain,
and a compost heap on the side of the road
I miss India
the laughter of friends sipping milky-sweet chai at a dabbha,
slapping at the macchar biting my ankles
sweat making my kurta cling to my back, as we laugh and enjoy the simplicity of eating with friends
I miss India
the breeze in my face taking an auto-rickshaw
the icy blast of air from an air conditioned music store, music so loud my head is buzzing
I always complained but it is nice to get TOO cold while watching a three hour Bollywood movie.
I miss India
The smile on your face as you hand me a reused Bisleri bottle filled with cold water from the cooler by the mess, beads of condensation dripping as I pour it into my mouth, India style, splashing down my chin, making you laugh, like always.
I miss India
the big white cows with the hump on their backs
glaring at me with their innocent eyes as I wait for you to buy the cigarette I am trying to encourage you not to smoke, and saying I don't like the smell, i miss that smell
I miss India,
The buses trundling past, with all their destinations in Hindi. I can never read them fast enough to know... is this the right bus? so I only get on when I am with you
I miss India,
staying up late watching movies with the philosopher and a strong woman, the air cooler blowing a humid but relieving breeze,
Enjoying the cooking at your family home.. such good daal, followed by a night time walk in the damp grass with two mischievous dogs,
riding three people on your new bike, laughing at the stares of people, seeing us crammed together, backpacks in all directions,and being driven by a girl, no less ;)
I miss India
How the merchants in the bazaar were fooled by my salwar suit (for once!) and for you we had a normal day shopping, unless I opened my mouth, my Hindi infused with an obvious American accent
I miss India
laying there, watching the fan revolve lazily, turned down so we can hear the parallel cinema film we are watching together, thinking of our plans for tomorrow, next week, next year... our world.
The swoosh of cars, honk honking
dogs barking,
birds tweeting in the flutter leaves of the tree outside my window
it's big orange blossoming blooming in the sunshine
while the kawa hops down on my porch banister hoping I'll give him a scrap.
I miss India
The smell of dinner, spicy and hot dripping like oil from the windows of flats I pass
Mixed with earth, rain,
and a compost heap on the side of the road
I miss India
the laughter of friends sipping milky-sweet chai at a dabbha,
slapping at the macchar biting my ankles
sweat making my kurta cling to my back, as we laugh and enjoy the simplicity of eating with friends
I miss India
the breeze in my face taking an auto-rickshaw
the icy blast of air from an air conditioned music store, music so loud my head is buzzing
I always complained but it is nice to get TOO cold while watching a three hour Bollywood movie.
I miss India
The smile on your face as you hand me a reused Bisleri bottle filled with cold water from the cooler by the mess, beads of condensation dripping as I pour it into my mouth, India style, splashing down my chin, making you laugh, like always.
I miss India
the big white cows with the hump on their backs
glaring at me with their innocent eyes as I wait for you to buy the cigarette I am trying to encourage you not to smoke, and saying I don't like the smell, i miss that smell
I miss India,
The buses trundling past, with all their destinations in Hindi. I can never read them fast enough to know... is this the right bus? so I only get on when I am with you
I miss India,
staying up late watching movies with the philosopher and a strong woman, the air cooler blowing a humid but relieving breeze,
Enjoying the cooking at your family home.. such good daal, followed by a night time walk in the damp grass with two mischievous dogs,
riding three people on your new bike, laughing at the stares of people, seeing us crammed together, backpacks in all directions,and being driven by a girl, no less ;)
I miss India
How the merchants in the bazaar were fooled by my salwar suit (for once!) and for you we had a normal day shopping, unless I opened my mouth, my Hindi infused with an obvious American accent
I miss India
laying there, watching the fan revolve lazily, turned down so we can hear the parallel cinema film we are watching together, thinking of our plans for tomorrow, next week, next year... our world.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Striving for Positivity
Awhile ago I read this Buddhist philosophy that one must accept suffering. Not in that we need to be resigned to the suffering and give up, (especially of others)but rather just accept that no matter what we do, living involves some suffering... No matter how hard we try, we might get sick, or lose a job, or have a hard time financially... it is bound to happen as part of life. Once you can accept that suffering is going to happen at some time, then you don't need to dwell on it.
I really like this idea, especially as someone who is going through a hard time. I have found that the more I remind myself of that, the easier it is to see through the difficulties, and be able to concentrate on the positives that are happening in life. I have been working really hard to try to incorporate this mind-set into my life.
But seeing as how there is a lot of stuff in my life that is difficult right now, it's really quite a challenge. I think the most challenging thing is living with my parents again. At age 27, it's hard enough to live with your parents. But coming back here, I have noticed how hard it is to strive for positivity when you are surrounded by family who is often dwelling on the negative.
I wonder if anyone else has an ideas of how to deal with this? It is already a struggle for me to strive for positivity while being unemployed, very poor, living at home, and half way around the world from the person I want most to be with. So now, how do I deal living with my parents and sister, who are often prone to dwelling on the tiniest things.
I wonder the right way (if there is a way)to try an encourage family members to strive for positivity too... I think my methods of a.) pointing out how negative they are being doesn't work (since now you are complaining!) or b.) pointing out that most people in the world, for example, don't have a dish washer to complain about don't seem to work.
I don't want to come off haughty, or to be complaining about complaining... so how DOES one encourage others not to (ahem) drag me down into negativity land?
I really like this idea, especially as someone who is going through a hard time. I have found that the more I remind myself of that, the easier it is to see through the difficulties, and be able to concentrate on the positives that are happening in life. I have been working really hard to try to incorporate this mind-set into my life.
But seeing as how there is a lot of stuff in my life that is difficult right now, it's really quite a challenge. I think the most challenging thing is living with my parents again. At age 27, it's hard enough to live with your parents. But coming back here, I have noticed how hard it is to strive for positivity when you are surrounded by family who is often dwelling on the negative.
I wonder if anyone else has an ideas of how to deal with this? It is already a struggle for me to strive for positivity while being unemployed, very poor, living at home, and half way around the world from the person I want most to be with. So now, how do I deal living with my parents and sister, who are often prone to dwelling on the tiniest things.
I wonder the right way (if there is a way)to try an encourage family members to strive for positivity too... I think my methods of a.) pointing out how negative they are being doesn't work (since now you are complaining!) or b.) pointing out that most people in the world, for example, don't have a dish washer to complain about don't seem to work.
I don't want to come off haughty, or to be complaining about complaining... so how DOES one encourage others not to (ahem) drag me down into negativity land?
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Long Time, No Blog
Hi all,
Sorry it has been a super long time since I blogged anything... it has been a mixture of new (tiny) part time job, interviewing for more jobs (no luck yet), and pondering my career future.
I am just about finished with my MA in anthropology (I will hopefully be officially graduating in May this year) and I am realizing that, well, having an MA in anthro isn't going to help me get a job right now. Honestly, anthro wasn't exactly what I had imagined it as... I had this bold idea of applied anthropology (i.e. using anthro and research to help people) but the grad school I went to wasn't too applied friendly, and then to top it off, the economy is so bad that most non-profits have been scaling back their projects, not looking for fresh-from-grad-school researchers.
Looking back at my education, I see a great deal of confusion and poor planning. I kind of just went with things I liked and that I thought were interesting, which would be fine, except I didn't really consider the grander scheme of things until recently.. At 27, I am finally in a place in my life where I want to (ahem) 'settle down' to some degree. Vivek and I are trying to work out a plan so we can both be gainfully employed and happy here in the ole' USA, and his job is pretty straight forward. (He is lucky that he knows exactly what he wants to do!) I, on the other hand, have been merrily strolling through my education, trying this and that, and ending up with lots of knowledge and passion, but with few practical skills*.
(*that I can be EMPLOYED to use, that is)
Lately, I have been pondering my options and taking a look at myself and deciding what exactly it is I really want to do. One of the things I have been thinking about for a long time now is Nursing. As a nurse I can
a.) help people
b.) work with kids
c.) get a steady, well paying job anywhere in the country
d.) use my skills as a volunteer/work with a non-profit at some time
e.) Use my Hindi language/Indian cultural knowledge in many communities in the US
f.) a flexible schedule so I can also pursue some of my other interests as well.
I found this really great nursing program that is designed for people who already have a undergraduate and/or graduate degree in another field. It is designed to train highly educated nurses, and I would be an RN after the first year, and have a chance to get a CNL certificate and my MSN after the second year. and VOILA! I could be a nurse. Earning the monies. Helping the people.
Plus, I think I look pretty awesome in scrubs. ;)
What do you guys think?
Sorry it has been a super long time since I blogged anything... it has been a mixture of new (tiny) part time job, interviewing for more jobs (no luck yet), and pondering my career future.
I am just about finished with my MA in anthropology (I will hopefully be officially graduating in May this year) and I am realizing that, well, having an MA in anthro isn't going to help me get a job right now. Honestly, anthro wasn't exactly what I had imagined it as... I had this bold idea of applied anthropology (i.e. using anthro and research to help people) but the grad school I went to wasn't too applied friendly, and then to top it off, the economy is so bad that most non-profits have been scaling back their projects, not looking for fresh-from-grad-school researchers.
Looking back at my education, I see a great deal of confusion and poor planning. I kind of just went with things I liked and that I thought were interesting, which would be fine, except I didn't really consider the grander scheme of things until recently.. At 27, I am finally in a place in my life where I want to (ahem) 'settle down' to some degree. Vivek and I are trying to work out a plan so we can both be gainfully employed and happy here in the ole' USA, and his job is pretty straight forward. (He is lucky that he knows exactly what he wants to do!) I, on the other hand, have been merrily strolling through my education, trying this and that, and ending up with lots of knowledge and passion, but with few practical skills*.
(*that I can be EMPLOYED to use, that is)
Lately, I have been pondering my options and taking a look at myself and deciding what exactly it is I really want to do. One of the things I have been thinking about for a long time now is Nursing. As a nurse I can
a.) help people
b.) work with kids
c.) get a steady, well paying job anywhere in the country
d.) use my skills as a volunteer/work with a non-profit at some time
e.) Use my Hindi language/Indian cultural knowledge in many communities in the US
f.) a flexible schedule so I can also pursue some of my other interests as well.
I found this really great nursing program that is designed for people who already have a undergraduate and/or graduate degree in another field. It is designed to train highly educated nurses, and I would be an RN after the first year, and have a chance to get a CNL certificate and my MSN after the second year. and VOILA! I could be a nurse. Earning the monies. Helping the people.
Plus, I think I look pretty awesome in scrubs. ;)
What do you guys think?
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Depressed.
Sigh.
OK, okay. I know. But, it is so hard to be away from the one you love. I miss him so.
And this weather... it seems to be a never-ending snowstorm. I could do for a little sunshine.
And jobs? Don't even start. I have been applying for you jobs since September. You do the math... well you don't have to.. that's SIX months of job applications, without fruitful result. I went from applying for jobs that have to do with my (almost received) masters degree, to applying for jobs that pay decently, to applying for any and ALL jobs I can find. And I still don't have a job. Not even a quickie-mart job or anything. And, I have all this education and training and experience. I just want to put it to use.
I am doing a really great internship during this time. Which is nice, and experience. But, the thing that I really need at the moment is money. If I just had some kind of paying job, I could at least work on paying off my bills.
Lack of money is keeping me from Vivek. I feel like I want to start my 'grown-up' life, with my love, with my degree, and instead I am just in kid-land, penniless in my parents house.
So sigh. Yes, I am depressed. But, I'm still not just going to sit here!
OK, okay. I know. But, it is so hard to be away from the one you love. I miss him so.
And this weather... it seems to be a never-ending snowstorm. I could do for a little sunshine.
And jobs? Don't even start. I have been applying for you jobs since September. You do the math... well you don't have to.. that's SIX months of job applications, without fruitful result. I went from applying for jobs that have to do with my (almost received) masters degree, to applying for jobs that pay decently, to applying for any and ALL jobs I can find. And I still don't have a job. Not even a quickie-mart job or anything. And, I have all this education and training and experience. I just want to put it to use.
I am doing a really great internship during this time. Which is nice, and experience. But, the thing that I really need at the moment is money. If I just had some kind of paying job, I could at least work on paying off my bills.
Lack of money is keeping me from Vivek. I feel like I want to start my 'grown-up' life, with my love, with my degree, and instead I am just in kid-land, penniless in my parents house.
So sigh. Yes, I am depressed. But, I'm still not just going to sit here!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Back and Back and Back Again
Wow, it's been a long time since I have posted. I have been in Delhi since May, working as an English teacher for an international language school. It was tough at first, and stressful getting used to teaching adults in a new teaching method.. After that I was really enjoying myself, though between teaching and the heat of Delhi summers I wasn't doing much else.
I have made a few very good friends and had time to spend with my "old" friends in Delhi too.. All in all pretty good.
But, unfortunately, I decided that I need to return to the U.S. for monetary and school (ahem masters is STILL not finished) reasons. I'm going to head back in about a month, and I'm going from living half-way around the world to living in the house I grew up in. I am really excited to see my family and friends in the U.S. again, and take care of my sweet (though sometimes troublesome) little mutt again... It's amazing how as you get older ("older" as a relative term.. I guess, I'm going to be 27 on August 24!) you miss your family more and more.
I am also going to be very sad leaving India.. it seems almost unreal that I am leaving so soon. I haven't had a perfect time, and spent (too much) time complaining... but still, damn, I'm going to miss this place, even the honking cars and cow poop on the sidewalks!
I'm sure I'm going to have culture shock when I get home.. it will be so quiet.. so.. I don't know.. different. It will take awhile to get used to.
Anyways, in about a month I'll be headed back... I am wrapping up work and thinking about packing.. whew.. it's back and back and back again!
I have made a few very good friends and had time to spend with my "old" friends in Delhi too.. All in all pretty good.
But, unfortunately, I decided that I need to return to the U.S. for monetary and school (ahem masters is STILL not finished) reasons. I'm going to head back in about a month, and I'm going from living half-way around the world to living in the house I grew up in. I am really excited to see my family and friends in the U.S. again, and take care of my sweet (though sometimes troublesome) little mutt again... It's amazing how as you get older ("older" as a relative term.. I guess, I'm going to be 27 on August 24!) you miss your family more and more.
I am also going to be very sad leaving India.. it seems almost unreal that I am leaving so soon. I haven't had a perfect time, and spent (too much) time complaining... but still, damn, I'm going to miss this place, even the honking cars and cow poop on the sidewalks!
I'm sure I'm going to have culture shock when I get home.. it will be so quiet.. so.. I don't know.. different. It will take awhile to get used to.
Anyways, in about a month I'll be headed back... I am wrapping up work and thinking about packing.. whew.. it's back and back and back again!
Sunday, December 02, 2007
Lazy Day
Ahh. I am so lazy today. I went out dancing at a club last night with friends (something I don't do in the U.S.). It was, surprisingly, pretty fun, despite the fact I almost lost my favorite green corduroy jacket! (Luckily I found it, yay!)
Well, in the U.S., the one or two times I have gone clubbing, it was been... hmm.. I don't know. Slightly irritating, I guess. I don't really like the general club-going populace, I don't like grinding (I am a group dancer!) and I don't like to "meet" people at clubs.
This club, called B2B is in a Country Inn and Suites in Jaipur. It is rather expensive to get in (500 rupees a person, or about $12.59 but you get a little over half that back in drink coupons) and you can only go as a couple. At first, this was annoying because we weren't sure we would have an even amount of people. But inside, the environment was much nicer. No one seemed to be prowling around to "meet" people, everyone was content with their own group of friends, or partner. Dancing was fun, though I was disappointed that there was not as much Hindi pop music as I hoped for.
So after a fun evening of dancing with friends (though I was missing V and wishing he could be here this weekend!) I came home and slept for...
12 hours.
That's right. 12 hours. Whew. I didn't know I have the potential to sleep 12 hours straight, but apparently I did. And no, I didn't drink too much. My stomach is super acidic and that is not helping by all the spicy fried foods of India, so lately I can't really imbibe the alcohol. I was just, sleepy, I guess. Who knows.
So today I woke up at 3 pm (indeed!) and all day I have been lazing around, reading blogs, and not doing the homework which is waiting for me. I have to finish reading a Hindi story called Eidgah, and also write my 5 page weekly journal.
Oh alas, but I don't want to. I am really excited to (hopefully) head to my parents house in the U.S. for christmas, and bring V along. I hope it snows. I want to take him sledding. And eat Christmas cookies. And have a fire in the fireplace in the living room, and relax sipping eggnog. Mmm. Hopefully we will be on our way in two weeks. V has his visa appointment this week, and the U.S. embassy really is a fan of paperwork. For a little two week vacation V have to procure every document in the world. Or something like that.
Hopefully it will all work out fine though... I really hope we can go for a nice vacation....
It's so funny, I was so excited to get back to India, and I am enjoying it, but still, now I am all excited to take a little break and see my friends and family and show V where I grew up.. and eat lots of yummy food. There is certain food I keep thinking about:
1.) Chilean Sandwiches from Downtown Crossing in Boston
2.) Veggie Sushi
3.) Christmas cookies- especially my mom's mocha fudge
4.) Christmas morning pastry.. we call it "slug" but it's real name is 'Cream cheese coffee cake". The tastiest thing ever.
5.) A basic veggie sandwich with lettuce, tomato, avocado, etc. Yum. And a Moe's sub.
Yum! I can't wait. I hope we get to go.
Well, in the U.S., the one or two times I have gone clubbing, it was been... hmm.. I don't know. Slightly irritating, I guess. I don't really like the general club-going populace, I don't like grinding (I am a group dancer!) and I don't like to "meet" people at clubs.
This club, called B2B is in a Country Inn and Suites in Jaipur. It is rather expensive to get in (500 rupees a person, or about $12.59 but you get a little over half that back in drink coupons) and you can only go as a couple. At first, this was annoying because we weren't sure we would have an even amount of people. But inside, the environment was much nicer. No one seemed to be prowling around to "meet" people, everyone was content with their own group of friends, or partner. Dancing was fun, though I was disappointed that there was not as much Hindi pop music as I hoped for.
So after a fun evening of dancing with friends (though I was missing V and wishing he could be here this weekend!) I came home and slept for...
12 hours.
That's right. 12 hours. Whew. I didn't know I have the potential to sleep 12 hours straight, but apparently I did. And no, I didn't drink too much. My stomach is super acidic and that is not helping by all the spicy fried foods of India, so lately I can't really imbibe the alcohol. I was just, sleepy, I guess. Who knows.
So today I woke up at 3 pm (indeed!) and all day I have been lazing around, reading blogs, and not doing the homework which is waiting for me. I have to finish reading a Hindi story called Eidgah, and also write my 5 page weekly journal.
Oh alas, but I don't want to. I am really excited to (hopefully) head to my parents house in the U.S. for christmas, and bring V along. I hope it snows. I want to take him sledding. And eat Christmas cookies. And have a fire in the fireplace in the living room, and relax sipping eggnog. Mmm. Hopefully we will be on our way in two weeks. V has his visa appointment this week, and the U.S. embassy really is a fan of paperwork. For a little two week vacation V have to procure every document in the world. Or something like that.
Hopefully it will all work out fine though... I really hope we can go for a nice vacation....
It's so funny, I was so excited to get back to India, and I am enjoying it, but still, now I am all excited to take a little break and see my friends and family and show V where I grew up.. and eat lots of yummy food. There is certain food I keep thinking about:
1.) Chilean Sandwiches from Downtown Crossing in Boston
2.) Veggie Sushi
3.) Christmas cookies- especially my mom's mocha fudge
4.) Christmas morning pastry.. we call it "slug" but it's real name is 'Cream cheese coffee cake". The tastiest thing ever.
5.) A basic veggie sandwich with lettuce, tomato, avocado, etc. Yum. And a Moe's sub.
Yum! I can't wait. I hope we get to go.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Life of a gori videshi larki in Jaipur
sigh. that's right. siiigh.
so, whats a gori videshi larki, anyways, you ask? Well gori is fair/white, videshi is foreigner and larki is, well girl.
Ok, so you get the idea. I am a white foreign girl in Jaipur. Indeed.
I have been in India since August, and in Jaipur for 3 months now.
And let me say it. UGH. Yes, that is right, ugh. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean all of India is ugh by any means, or Indians or Indian culture (etc etc etc). In fact I am still a big fan. Especially of the people I am close to... boyfriend, friends, kids at the NGO, etc.
But day-to-day walking down the street in Jaipur is one of the most irritating things ever. So, Indian women here dress in a variety of ways. We have the traditonal mama's in their saris, with gold jewelry, big bindhi on the forehead and some nice chappals (sandals). We have the salwaar kameez types, swinging their duppattas around their necks, and them we have the young ladies who tend to wear a mix of the salwaar kameez look and the t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers get-up.
I generally wear a mix of the jeans with kurtas, duppattas, salwaar suits, etc. Usually I pull my hair back. Mostly I look kind of nondescript and entirely dull and flavorless. I do it on purpose, mainly (and, a bit out of laziness).
But regardless of what I wear, be it full Indian get-up, or full Umrikan shirt n jeans, I get the same stares. Lest we forget, streets in India are pretty much everywhere filled with more males than females. Anywhere I walk, first you get the rubbernecking. If I (a gori videshi larki) make eye-contact with said rubberneckers, this may.... insinuate some interest. Ha! I am just looking around. So the only way to walk is mainly by staring at the ground, not looking at faces, I have become good friends with the pavement on the way to class, its potholes, sandy parts, and bumps...
In addition to the rubberneckers, we have a few different type of yellers. Type A is the shop owner/cycle/auto driver who sees me and thinks "ah ha! a videshi tourist sucker is born every minute! Lets see how much I can charge them for fill in the _____" Type A yellers tend to yell such non-varying phrases such as "madam! come into my shop!" "you neeeeed a ride? come into my auto, madam!" or the ever-favorite smacking of seat followed by "aao" (come). right. I am walking to school. Like I do everyday. And your winning charge of "madam madam!" will really draw me in. Whats up with "madam" anyways? Man I hate that word (whew. deep breath.)
Type B yellers generally include adolescent, teenage boys, young adult (men) and a few bold women/girls. The more benevolent look at me (or any gori videshi larki) as if they have just seen a movie star, and begin waving their hand and shouting "HELLO! HOW-ARE-YOU?" or other such simple English phrases, excited to finally have someone to shout them at besides their school teacher. Older guys ride by and say "Hello!" etc and smile, hoping for a positive response and attempt to make further inane chatter. All such people, with the exception of small cute children in school buses, get ignored with the whole "look at my feet and at like I can't hear" routine. The rule is, never, ever encourage.
Type C yellers are the worst. Always older teenage boys or any age men, they probably watch too much (illegal) imported western porn. Hence, the only time they see gori videshi larkiya is when, well, they are watching foreign people have sex on t.v. As you can imagine, not the best foot to start off on. Thanks porn industry!
Type C yellers are usually on bikes. They like to yell things like "HEY SEXY!" or "WANT A RIDE?". These guys are usually from well off families and seem to think they "know it all". Like the notion that if a white girl takes a ride from you, that means you get to have sex. Or that, white girls have sex with anyone, coz its what they do for fun. Damn. Sexy. Unfortunately, along the way, all of these guys forgot to use their brains and realize that humans are humans, no matter where we live. In that, I have a family, I go to school, etc. No, I am not a sex machine. Sorry to disappoint.
Beyond Type C yellers we get into touchers, which is a whole other breed. There is the "oops! I bumped into you!" guys, the ride-by-on-bike-and-swipe, and then the guys who don't pretend they are not sexually harassing you and just grope you, straight up. (Luckily this has not happened to me, though it did happen recently to someone I know). I generally avoid crowds, because this is where touchers strike... I got a gross pair of sweaty lips planted on the back of my neck once at a parade in Jaipur. wretch.
Now, I am not saying this only happens in Jaipur. I had a whole "oops I bumped into you.. and oops again!" happen in Chennai which resulted in the 40-something guy getting a decent slap from me...
I am always on the alert, I have these dreams of knocking said "Eve-Teaser" of the future (though I think it is all just sexual harassment, not the benign sounding eve-teasing that Indians use for such incidents) off his bike, or slapping,punching, or kicking him where it counts. But of course, type a and b yellers don't deserve violent measures, usually just a scowl or ignoring them works, but type c yellers and touchers... I say slap, kick and punch at will. Well, don't like... you know, send him to the hospital, but embarrass him if possible.
Anyways, thanks for listening. I really needed to rant about this. whew.
so, whats a gori videshi larki, anyways, you ask? Well gori is fair/white, videshi is foreigner and larki is, well girl.
Ok, so you get the idea. I am a white foreign girl in Jaipur. Indeed.
I have been in India since August, and in Jaipur for 3 months now.
And let me say it. UGH. Yes, that is right, ugh. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't mean all of India is ugh by any means, or Indians or Indian culture (etc etc etc). In fact I am still a big fan. Especially of the people I am close to... boyfriend, friends, kids at the NGO, etc.
But day-to-day walking down the street in Jaipur is one of the most irritating things ever. So, Indian women here dress in a variety of ways. We have the traditonal mama's in their saris, with gold jewelry, big bindhi on the forehead and some nice chappals (sandals). We have the salwaar kameez types, swinging their duppattas around their necks, and them we have the young ladies who tend to wear a mix of the salwaar kameez look and the t-shirt, jeans, and sneakers get-up.
I generally wear a mix of the jeans with kurtas, duppattas, salwaar suits, etc. Usually I pull my hair back. Mostly I look kind of nondescript and entirely dull and flavorless. I do it on purpose, mainly (and, a bit out of laziness).
But regardless of what I wear, be it full Indian get-up, or full Umrikan shirt n jeans, I get the same stares. Lest we forget, streets in India are pretty much everywhere filled with more males than females. Anywhere I walk, first you get the rubbernecking. If I (a gori videshi larki) make eye-contact with said rubberneckers, this may.... insinuate some interest. Ha! I am just looking around. So the only way to walk is mainly by staring at the ground, not looking at faces, I have become good friends with the pavement on the way to class, its potholes, sandy parts, and bumps...
In addition to the rubberneckers, we have a few different type of yellers. Type A is the shop owner/cycle/auto driver who sees me and thinks "ah ha! a videshi tourist sucker is born every minute! Lets see how much I can charge them for fill in the _____" Type A yellers tend to yell such non-varying phrases such as "madam! come into my shop!" "you neeeeed a ride? come into my auto, madam!" or the ever-favorite smacking of seat followed by "aao" (come). right. I am walking to school. Like I do everyday. And your winning charge of "madam madam!" will really draw me in. Whats up with "madam" anyways? Man I hate that word (whew. deep breath.)
Type B yellers generally include adolescent, teenage boys, young adult (men) and a few bold women/girls. The more benevolent look at me (or any gori videshi larki) as if they have just seen a movie star, and begin waving their hand and shouting "HELLO! HOW-ARE-YOU?" or other such simple English phrases, excited to finally have someone to shout them at besides their school teacher. Older guys ride by and say "Hello!" etc and smile, hoping for a positive response and attempt to make further inane chatter. All such people, with the exception of small cute children in school buses, get ignored with the whole "look at my feet and at like I can't hear" routine. The rule is, never, ever encourage.
Type C yellers are the worst. Always older teenage boys or any age men, they probably watch too much (illegal) imported western porn. Hence, the only time they see gori videshi larkiya is when, well, they are watching foreign people have sex on t.v. As you can imagine, not the best foot to start off on. Thanks porn industry!
Type C yellers are usually on bikes. They like to yell things like "HEY SEXY!" or "WANT A RIDE?". These guys are usually from well off families and seem to think they "know it all". Like the notion that if a white girl takes a ride from you, that means you get to have sex. Or that, white girls have sex with anyone, coz its what they do for fun. Damn. Sexy. Unfortunately, along the way, all of these guys forgot to use their brains and realize that humans are humans, no matter where we live. In that, I have a family, I go to school, etc. No, I am not a sex machine. Sorry to disappoint.
Beyond Type C yellers we get into touchers, which is a whole other breed. There is the "oops! I bumped into you!" guys, the ride-by-on-bike-and-swipe, and then the guys who don't pretend they are not sexually harassing you and just grope you, straight up. (Luckily this has not happened to me, though it did happen recently to someone I know). I generally avoid crowds, because this is where touchers strike... I got a gross pair of sweaty lips planted on the back of my neck once at a parade in Jaipur. wretch.
Now, I am not saying this only happens in Jaipur. I had a whole "oops I bumped into you.. and oops again!" happen in Chennai which resulted in the 40-something guy getting a decent slap from me...
I am always on the alert, I have these dreams of knocking said "Eve-Teaser" of the future (though I think it is all just sexual harassment, not the benign sounding eve-teasing that Indians use for such incidents) off his bike, or slapping,punching, or kicking him where it counts. But of course, type a and b yellers don't deserve violent measures, usually just a scowl or ignoring them works, but type c yellers and touchers... I say slap, kick and punch at will. Well, don't like... you know, send him to the hospital, but embarrass him if possible.
Anyways, thanks for listening. I really needed to rant about this. whew.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Where to begin?
Ah, it's been so long since I posted anything, it's so hard to decide where to start.
Let's see. I'm in Jaipur, India, and have been since the beginning of September. The month of August I spent in Delhi, and also traveled to Dharamshala for some time (with the WB too!)
I have been studying Hindi here and also visiting my wonderful boyfriend in Delhi quite frequently, and he often visits me here, too.
Actually, he just came to visit, and after about one day I unfortunately got sick (AGAIN!) so he stayed extra time and spent most of it taking care of me. Poor guy. I really hate having to rely on people for help too. It always makes me feel bad.
My stomach and I have not been getting along extremely well since I got to India, but I am determined to beat it into submission (or... whatever). When I first got here I kept having weird stomach aches which I think were just from jet lag/nerves, so they went away after awhile. Then I was all chill in Delhi. But since I have gotten to Jaipur I have had... erm.. I think three bouts of the old "delhi belly" (which I never got in Delhi...) and once I had conquered those and seemed well on the mend, I got this strange stomach affliction.
Now, it all started with linzi being not-so-smart. Sure my stomach has been better for a few weeks without incidence (and may I note, my roommate nor anyone else seems to be getting sick while eating the same exact things as me!) but I guess I should not have gotten carried away and thought I could enjoy an evening out with friends, which involved, three weak alcoholic beverages. Now, I don't know IF they were really the cause of the stomach incident, seeing as how it was three weak screwdrivers (from which I did not achieve anything near drunkenness) or if it something else (like my mysterious "IBS" diagnosis from the grand doctors of the USA, which means "yup, yer stumuch hurts n we dunno why. you want sum rolaids?")
but the next day I upon eating I was saluted with a mysterious pain right underneath where my ribcage and sternum meet. Hum. So I waited a day, but the pain was rather not so fun, and if I tried to eat it became horribly worse (thought I did not feel nauseous or have any other normal symptoms of stomachy-badness.) So at about 10 pm my boyfriend V and I decided to visit the doctor.
Now, keep in mind that in Hindi visiting the doctor is "doctor ke paas jaanaa" which literally means "to go NEAR to a doctor". Whenever I think about this particular phrase, I think of the doctor as a guru, and in his essence I may be cured. Well, going to a doctor here is not to much different (at least in my experiences so far) than gaining some doctor-y essence. On this particular evening the doctors visit went like this:
(also note, this visit did not start with taking of temperature, asking about current problems/medication, or asking about any allergies to drugs)
Doctor: "Come sit, tell me whats wrong"
Me: "Since morning I have had this strange pain right here, that gets worse if I try to eat"
Doctor: "right here?" (poke)
Me: "OW! yes."
Doctor: "and you said you have nausea?
Me: "no, I don't have nausea. Just this pain."
Doctor: "aha, ok. I will give you these medicines and you will be completely better."
(proceeds to write out a long list of drugs with various notes about how often to take each one. When finished I have a list of 4 different medicines. And since he is a doctor, it is of course, illegible)
Me: "um, what exactly is wrong with me? I mean, what are all of these medicines for?"
Doctor: (laughs heartily) "That's a silly question!"
Me: (interjecting weakly) "But I want to know what the medicines are for before I take them"
Doctor: (grumpily) "You are having gastritis (I think this is what he said) which is inflammation of the stomach lining. These medicines will make you better. (This was followed by a half-hearted attempt to explain each medication). "Ok, now the first medicine is an injection."
He gave us the list and we went into the lobby (which was luckily very empty) and asked the nurse on duty where to get the medicines. He told us the hospital pharmacy was closed, so we had to take an auto rickshaw, get the medicines, and then come back so he can administer the injection.
When we came back, medicines and disposable syringe in hand, the nurse took me back and had me lie down. Only then did I realize, EEKS, it was not a normal shot but an "IV" shot, meaning.... he was going to stab the syringe into a vein on my hand. He told V to hold me down. GULP. Luckily, after such a dramatic opening, I learned that Mr. Male Nurse was in fact excellent at stabbing people's veins causing only minimal pain. Yippee.
After this I went home and tried to follow my pill regiment (I still don't know what one of the medicines is for!) but the next night it was still bad so we went back and he gave me a few more medicines, and told me only to eat liquid or semi-solid foods. whoo fun.
So that began on Sunday, and today (Wednesday) I am starting to feel mainly better, though
still having a small amount of pain. V stayed with me until today, even though he had to miss some of the classes he teaches. He helped me a lot, made me food, and all that. I feel really bad though, I keep getting sick and having to be taken care of. Sigh. Poor guy. Of course he is a wonderful sweetheart, and gets upset if I thank him for helping me.
So that is the latest story. Maybe I can give you some more stories soon, since I have aquired some free wireless internet from who knows where.
Let's see. I'm in Jaipur, India, and have been since the beginning of September. The month of August I spent in Delhi, and also traveled to Dharamshala for some time (with the WB too!)
I have been studying Hindi here and also visiting my wonderful boyfriend in Delhi quite frequently, and he often visits me here, too.
Actually, he just came to visit, and after about one day I unfortunately got sick (AGAIN!) so he stayed extra time and spent most of it taking care of me. Poor guy. I really hate having to rely on people for help too. It always makes me feel bad.
My stomach and I have not been getting along extremely well since I got to India, but I am determined to beat it into submission (or... whatever). When I first got here I kept having weird stomach aches which I think were just from jet lag/nerves, so they went away after awhile. Then I was all chill in Delhi. But since I have gotten to Jaipur I have had... erm.. I think three bouts of the old "delhi belly" (which I never got in Delhi...) and once I had conquered those and seemed well on the mend, I got this strange stomach affliction.
Now, it all started with linzi being not-so-smart. Sure my stomach has been better for a few weeks without incidence (and may I note, my roommate nor anyone else seems to be getting sick while eating the same exact things as me!) but I guess I should not have gotten carried away and thought I could enjoy an evening out with friends, which involved, three weak alcoholic beverages. Now, I don't know IF they were really the cause of the stomach incident, seeing as how it was three weak screwdrivers (from which I did not achieve anything near drunkenness) or if it something else (like my mysterious "IBS" diagnosis from the grand doctors of the USA, which means "yup, yer stumuch hurts n we dunno why. you want sum rolaids?")
but the next day I upon eating I was saluted with a mysterious pain right underneath where my ribcage and sternum meet. Hum. So I waited a day, but the pain was rather not so fun, and if I tried to eat it became horribly worse (thought I did not feel nauseous or have any other normal symptoms of stomachy-badness.) So at about 10 pm my boyfriend V and I decided to visit the doctor.
Now, keep in mind that in Hindi visiting the doctor is "doctor ke paas jaanaa" which literally means "to go NEAR to a doctor". Whenever I think about this particular phrase, I think of the doctor as a guru, and in his essence I may be cured. Well, going to a doctor here is not to much different (at least in my experiences so far) than gaining some doctor-y essence. On this particular evening the doctors visit went like this:
(also note, this visit did not start with taking of temperature, asking about current problems/medication, or asking about any allergies to drugs)
Doctor: "Come sit, tell me whats wrong"
Me: "Since morning I have had this strange pain right here, that gets worse if I try to eat"
Doctor: "right here?" (poke)
Me: "OW! yes."
Doctor: "and you said you have nausea?
Me: "no, I don't have nausea. Just this pain."
Doctor: "aha, ok. I will give you these medicines and you will be completely better."
(proceeds to write out a long list of drugs with various notes about how often to take each one. When finished I have a list of 4 different medicines. And since he is a doctor, it is of course, illegible)
Me: "um, what exactly is wrong with me? I mean, what are all of these medicines for?"
Doctor: (laughs heartily) "That's a silly question!"
Me: (interjecting weakly) "But I want to know what the medicines are for before I take them"
Doctor: (grumpily) "You are having gastritis (I think this is what he said) which is inflammation of the stomach lining. These medicines will make you better. (This was followed by a half-hearted attempt to explain each medication). "Ok, now the first medicine is an injection."
He gave us the list and we went into the lobby (which was luckily very empty) and asked the nurse on duty where to get the medicines. He told us the hospital pharmacy was closed, so we had to take an auto rickshaw, get the medicines, and then come back so he can administer the injection.
When we came back, medicines and disposable syringe in hand, the nurse took me back and had me lie down. Only then did I realize, EEKS, it was not a normal shot but an "IV" shot, meaning.... he was going to stab the syringe into a vein on my hand. He told V to hold me down. GULP. Luckily, after such a dramatic opening, I learned that Mr. Male Nurse was in fact excellent at stabbing people's veins causing only minimal pain. Yippee.
After this I went home and tried to follow my pill regiment (I still don't know what one of the medicines is for!) but the next night it was still bad so we went back and he gave me a few more medicines, and told me only to eat liquid or semi-solid foods. whoo fun.
So that began on Sunday, and today (Wednesday) I am starting to feel mainly better, though
still having a small amount of pain. V stayed with me until today, even though he had to miss some of the classes he teaches. He helped me a lot, made me food, and all that. I feel really bad though, I keep getting sick and having to be taken care of. Sigh. Poor guy. Of course he is a wonderful sweetheart, and gets upset if I thank him for helping me.
So that is the latest story. Maybe I can give you some more stories soon, since I have aquired some free wireless internet from who knows where.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Life, These Days.
So I am sure everyone is sitting around wondering "gee, I wonder what ole lindsey is up to these days?". Well, maybe I hope that is what you are thinking.
Mostly I have been hiding out. I don't really know what's going on these days, and my future plans are kind of up in the air. I applied and got accepted to a year long Hindi language program, but I'm on the waiting list for a fellowship. I won't know for another month or so. So MAYBE I am going to India for nine months, maybe not. I'm not very good at this "wait and see" business.
Otherwise, I am excited that I just got a full time job! YAY! HURRAY! Not only that, but it is at a bookstore. This morning was my first day, and I did four hours of training, which seems to go rather decently. Afterwards I had class, then went to an interesting talk on M.A. and PhD people getting jobs outside of Academia Land. The woman who gave the talk, Susan Basalla, was very funny and I enjoyed her talk. I guess she also wrote a book on the subject, called “So What Are You Going To Do With That?”: Finding Careers Outside Academia. I didn't get it (coz I'm poor as dirt at the moment!) but it seemed like she had some useful and practical points.
Also, it was nice to hear other graduate students questions and concerns. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one struggling with the 'Academia culture' but today definitely confirmed that is not the case. It made me feel a little better. Whew.
What else? Well earlier this week my sweet dog Murray got very sick and I had to take him to the vet. Luckily he is feeling much better and got better quickly. Still cost 85 dollars in vet bills though.
Honestly though, I guess I have been struggling lately. I am sick of this cold place, for starts, and I just feel lonely. Added to that is the unknown future of funding, and school in general, plus I have come to realise i maybe be experiencing some dumb anxiety thing called SAD. Social Anxiety Disorder. Sigh. I guess it would it explain my horrible sweats, red face, shaking, and unable to articulate sentences during presentations or talking to those in positions of power that I am afraid don't like me. And of course, it does nothing to improve the situation, it only makes me look more incompetent. I realised this has kind of been a growing issue since my student teaching days when I had a student teaching supervisor/worked with a head teacher who were very negative about me in a very nonconstructive manner. Since then, I have pretty much avoided any and all circumstances that involve me teaching/working with kids where someone can scrutinize me because I feel so nervous and my mind goes blank.
Looking back, I also realized I used to dislike presentations, but never had the same issues I have now. Now, I also get the same feeling of fear, dread, and terror when I have to meet with professors/advisers. My coping method so far is not so good, I just avoid the situations. I see that they are getting worse. Of course they are only certain situations and certain people. But really, I need to find a way to cope. I can't let this get bigger. Since I came to grad school, I have avoided giving any presentation that was not required by grade, and those that did would cause disruption for a few days before and the rest of the day after the presentation.
Lastly, I just want to say, I don't like this label business. Sure, maybe this is an issue I am struggling with. But I hate it when people become their label. "Hi, my name is depression." "Really, I'm chronic back pain, nice to meet you." I don't want to be one of those people ever. But obviously, avoiding situations isn't making it better either. But I like to see it as an issue, and one that is not part of me. Certainly not forever. For example, I know perfectly well that I feel damn confident teaching kids when there is no one hovering overhead, writing down what I am doing or not doing. Also, I feel perfectly fine contributing to class discussions, and yeah sometimes I DO turn red, but mainly, I feel perfectly at ease giving my two cents.
So, I think the first step, is getting myself in a positive environment. Secondly, is figuring out ways to CHILL. (and no, I don't think codeine cough medicine is a good answer. ha)
So anyways, that said, I still know I want to work with kids, and I really hope I can end up working for some cool NGO (or starting one) in India as planned. I also have some other interesting future options as of late. I just need to get on them.
Anyways, I know I don't usually post such things, but I guess... if anyone has an suggestions/comments/advice etc for me, it would be much appreciated.
Mostly I have been hiding out. I don't really know what's going on these days, and my future plans are kind of up in the air. I applied and got accepted to a year long Hindi language program, but I'm on the waiting list for a fellowship. I won't know for another month or so. So MAYBE I am going to India for nine months, maybe not. I'm not very good at this "wait and see" business.
Otherwise, I am excited that I just got a full time job! YAY! HURRAY! Not only that, but it is at a bookstore. This morning was my first day, and I did four hours of training, which seems to go rather decently. Afterwards I had class, then went to an interesting talk on M.A. and PhD people getting jobs outside of Academia Land. The woman who gave the talk, Susan Basalla, was very funny and I enjoyed her talk. I guess she also wrote a book on the subject, called “So What Are You Going To Do With That?”: Finding Careers Outside Academia. I didn't get it (coz I'm poor as dirt at the moment!) but it seemed like she had some useful and practical points.
Also, it was nice to hear other graduate students questions and concerns. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one struggling with the 'Academia culture' but today definitely confirmed that is not the case. It made me feel a little better. Whew.
What else? Well earlier this week my sweet dog Murray got very sick and I had to take him to the vet. Luckily he is feeling much better and got better quickly. Still cost 85 dollars in vet bills though.
Honestly though, I guess I have been struggling lately. I am sick of this cold place, for starts, and I just feel lonely. Added to that is the unknown future of funding, and school in general, plus I have come to realise i maybe be experiencing some dumb anxiety thing called SAD. Social Anxiety Disorder. Sigh. I guess it would it explain my horrible sweats, red face, shaking, and unable to articulate sentences during presentations or talking to those in positions of power that I am afraid don't like me. And of course, it does nothing to improve the situation, it only makes me look more incompetent. I realised this has kind of been a growing issue since my student teaching days when I had a student teaching supervisor/worked with a head teacher who were very negative about me in a very nonconstructive manner. Since then, I have pretty much avoided any and all circumstances that involve me teaching/working with kids where someone can scrutinize me because I feel so nervous and my mind goes blank.
Looking back, I also realized I used to dislike presentations, but never had the same issues I have now. Now, I also get the same feeling of fear, dread, and terror when I have to meet with professors/advisers. My coping method so far is not so good, I just avoid the situations. I see that they are getting worse. Of course they are only certain situations and certain people. But really, I need to find a way to cope. I can't let this get bigger. Since I came to grad school, I have avoided giving any presentation that was not required by grade, and those that did would cause disruption for a few days before and the rest of the day after the presentation.
Lastly, I just want to say, I don't like this label business. Sure, maybe this is an issue I am struggling with. But I hate it when people become their label. "Hi, my name is depression." "Really, I'm chronic back pain, nice to meet you." I don't want to be one of those people ever. But obviously, avoiding situations isn't making it better either. But I like to see it as an issue, and one that is not part of me. Certainly not forever. For example, I know perfectly well that I feel damn confident teaching kids when there is no one hovering overhead, writing down what I am doing or not doing. Also, I feel perfectly fine contributing to class discussions, and yeah sometimes I DO turn red, but mainly, I feel perfectly at ease giving my two cents.
So, I think the first step, is getting myself in a positive environment. Secondly, is figuring out ways to CHILL. (and no, I don't think codeine cough medicine is a good answer. ha)
So anyways, that said, I still know I want to work with kids, and I really hope I can end up working for some cool NGO (or starting one) in India as planned. I also have some other interesting future options as of late. I just need to get on them.
Anyways, I know I don't usually post such things, but I guess... if anyone has an suggestions/comments/advice etc for me, it would be much appreciated.
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