LinZi and the no good very bad...

day week  month year couple of years.

I'm feeling a little like Alexander today. I am having a case of the grouchies. And a case of the half empties. And I just feeling like getting it all out! So here it goes.

I have the nicest little dog. He is sweet and lovable, and quirky, and sometimes scares guests, but I love him all the same. And then he got cancer. And it is in a place they can't really do surgery. So they put him on chemo. Which worked for a year. Then that stopped working and his tumor started growing so they put him on a different chemo. And that made his tummy hurt sometimes . And I HATE when my little dog's tummy hurts or he feels bad at all. So it involved a lot of adjustment of medication. Now he is feeling kinda better but his tumor is still getting bigger. And I hate cancer and it is expensive and it's stupid and I don't like it. He has to go visit his doggie oncologist every couple of months and get lots of labs done too.  I love my little dog and I am glad he is here but it is stressful and nobody seems to know how to give him his medicine right but me so if someone else has to take care of him I worry and then I HATE having to leave him. It makes me grouchy. It makes me stressed and I love him and I can't imagine life without my little dog but I see his tumor getting bigger everyday and it makes me so mad. But there is no one to be mad at.

I have lived in Portland for a year now. I work a lot of hours and it is stressful. I have a "grown-up" job now but I don't feel like a grown-up. I have only made a tiny handful of friends in Portland but I am normally a very fun-loving person who likes to be very social, so I often find things to be terribly boring, lonely, no good and very bad. I think I'll move to Korea!

I had to work on Christmas and so I had a terrible no good lonely-boring Christmas.  I also don't feel like my finances are any better than when I was poor and underemployed. I keep having lots and lots of bills. They make me so grumpy and they are hard to keep track of and then there are dog medical bills and human medical bills and GIGANTIC student loans and I feel like I will just be poor forever. Which is no good and very bad.

When I started nursing school I thought it would be the best career for me and I love it except half way through nursing school I got an autoimmune disorder that randomly makes me get super tired and the biggest trigger for autoimmune disorders are "STRESS" and how can I avoid stress and I am mad at my no good very bad body for being dumb and attacking itself randomly. Which makes me think if only I had a very good excellent crystal ball than I would have known to choose a calm quiet desk job somewhere I had a no good very bad opaque crystal ball.

My car is almost ten years old. It keeps breaking down and I can't afford to keep fix it. Last night it broke down on the way home and I had to get it towed and now I don't have a car until probably Tuesday and I have to take a taxi to work which costs money and I'm POOR and I also walked home today and it was raining and icy and I stepped in so many puddles and my feet got all wet.

I am supposed to go visit my friend for New Years and if I can't I might feel like I am having a terrible no good very bad New Years, but I hope not. I need to buy a new car but since I am poor and have no savings I don't know how I am going to manage that one.

Metadata of a Life

Fatigue

Fatigue slams down, hitting like a black, slightly tacky hammer in the darkness, smelling of a musty wood shop. It leaves the mind intact and willing to go about daily works. Sapped of necessary electrons, oxygen or perhaps antioxidants, the body becomes no longer a useful tool of the brain, but a hardship. Unfortunately the brain cannot bail out but must weather out the storm, finding ways to keep itself entertained until the body resumes its normal function. The body becomes a mass of floppy appendages, getting in the way of thought processes, useless but still requiring food and other necessities. Truly a burden on the brain. The only solace for the brain during these times is that it will all turn around and once again the body will resume normal function, which cannot be said for all bodies, something important to keep in mind.

Joy

Many lives are spent waiting for joy to happen, or waiting for it to doused upon them like a sudden, welcome downpour on a warm summer day, or to come specially labelled in a big shiny package set at their door step. But joy comes in fleeting moments. In seconds—small fragments of time but millions times a day.  Joy is not a certain thing, but a certain way of thinking. Sometimes it is easy to miss it. Humans living their lives do not often stop and look for joy. They check their check boxes. Straighten their ties. Do not recognize those minute moments for what they are.

Loneliness

Loneliness used to be a word spat out with hate, a word to be destroyed.  For a time, nothing worse could be imagined that this mere fact. A person on their own. While sometimes you still glimpse fear as it crumples the corners of you papers as it tries to dart into the familiar corners of your heart-- but mostly loneliness has a different relationship. It is more like plunging deeply into a warm calm ocean with eyes open. You can see the surface of the sky from here. Looking up. Thoughts. Words. Actions.  Loneliness gives you confidence. To do things not often done. To step out of the humdrum.

Sorrow

Sorrow inevitably unfolds from things that cannot be changed. Things that cannot be changed are some of the hardest the deal with. What to do with a memory, an emotion, a guilt, a pain, a sadness?  Caused by you or unable to be stopped by you or happened to you. Sorrow is sorrow and nothing to change it. Sorrow slips into your mind like black ink. By letting it remain there it can become heavy and dark in your thoughts, a liquid pool of dense emotion, of doubt or guilt, of jolted dreams and stomach aches. Letting the black ink of sorrow slip and slide out splashing onto paper, vibrating into space, releasing your sound into the universe, reaching another’s ear, commiserating. Sorrow seems to dwindle through the act of expression.

dark warm windy nights.

Last night a warm wind blew across the city. A strange warm wind, at once gentle and warm, at the same time violent enough to rip the screen off my window and send it colliding with the pavement below.

I walked out to a park in the dark. From far back you see the black sillouette of park benches backdropped against the city below. The edge of nothingness. It's quiet. The lights glimmer silently. The wind whips at my coat. My music blares in my ears. Frenic music that blocks out the silence.

Sitting there. On the edge of darkness.

I feel that burning in my chest. The familiar welcome yet unwelcome feeling. I tried so hard to do it all my way. But here I am. It doesn't feel like my way. It feels like a trap. The trap I always knew it would be. The trap I wanted to avoid. But here I am.

I wanted to be different. I wanted to do it all differently. But somehow I did it just the same. 

The loss of a living, breathing, human being. Because she was seen as less than so.

On the night of December 16, 2012 a 23 year old student made her way home with a friend. She had just left City Walk, a mall with shops like Fab India and Cinnabon and a movie theater, and was on her way home.

In Munirka  (in my old neighborhood) she boarded a private bus headed home, her friend stayed with her. It was around 9:30 pm. What happened next seemed unimaginable-- a brutal attack and gang-rape that left her friend brutally beaten and her with injuries so extreme from the rape and assault with a metal rod that she had to have the majority of her intestines removed. As the story sparked controversy and protest in India, she was flown to a hospital in Singapore. Reportedly, unable to speak, she wrote a note to her mother saying "I want to live".

On December 28, she died.

This young women has sparked something in people. Protests appear. People demand justice against the 6 perpetrators. Anger and fear over such acts of violence against women.

"This could have been your mother, your sister, or your daughter." Anyone might say.

Photo: Amrendra Tripathi

But I say no. I want to stop this line of thought right here. Her role as a daughter, sister, or potential mother are not what is important.  She was not a mother, a sister, a daughter. She was a human being. A living, breathing human being. She had dreams, aspirations, goals. She bled, she felt pain. She died. She didn't want to. She had things to do. She had a life to live.

This could have been you. Anyone of us. This young woman has become a symbol, a symbol for horrible acts against another human being that occur everyday in this world. Acts that are far too often allowed to happen. Especially to women. Our mothers, daughters, and sisters often have the finger pointed at them. Why were you there, who were you with, what were you wearing?

Maybe this young woman's horrible assault got more press because she seemed to be doing everything "right." She just went to a  mall-- she came home early-- she didn't travel home alone. She was a student, she wasn't poor alone and unprotected in a slum. Maybe this is why her plight was brought to so many people's attention. A regular young woman-- doing everything "right"-- and this was how her life ended. Brutal violence, suffering and pain. She didn't "deserve" this.

Some years back a preteen Russian tourist was sexually assaulted in Goa. A [female] government official said "She should not have been wearing a bikini."

In these cases of horrific sexual and physical violence against women we are told that men cannot control themselves-- they are not to blame. How are men to control themselves when faced with a 10 year old blond girl in a bikini, or a woman on a bus in the evening with only one male to protect her? How can we expect men NOT to viciously assault, rape, or brutalize a girl or woman (or boy or man) in such a state. Next thing you know, a woman might just be walking alone somewhere. Doesn't she know how men are? Where are her bodyguards? Her stainless steel chastity belt? Or why didn't she just stay home.

If the reason NOT to hurt this human being is because she "could be our sister, our mother, or our daughter" that means she only has WORTH in one of those roles. This paradox gives someone the right to hurt any woman not in that role-- or who does not appear to fulfill one of those roles. It says that those are THE only roles that have worth for a woman.

That is not the reason why we should not hurt women. We should not sexually assault, abuse, throw acid in the faces of, stalk, molest, grope, or kill women because they are HUMAN BEINGS. Living, breathing human beings. With goals, aspirations, and dreams. That feel pain. That bleed. That can die. Just like you. Just like me.

"Men" are not a separate brutal species that are wild and prone to violence and abuse at any moment-- lest we protect ourselves against them. The paradox is that the same cohorts also argue that these wild violent beasts known as "Men" are also wiser, smarter, and more capable to run the world. How can such wild beasts be trusted? So smart and capable yet unable to control themselves when faced with the temptation of a woman visible in the dusk of evening?

Please. It's so obvious that this is a cop out answer. Men are not a wild brutal species all their own. They represent half of the species of homo sapiens. A species capable of great and amazing things, the most important of these is thinking and reflection.

The reason such violence and abuse happens is not because "men" are incapable of self control-- but because they live in a world where they have been allowed to see women as less than human beings. Where messages come to them that they don't HAVE to control themselves-- and that a woman's life is not as valued as their own. These are the conditions that allow for such acts of violence to continue to occur.

This same reasoning doesn't just go for acts of violence against women. Think about it. Anytime societies have targets that they have abused, murdered, raped, discriminated against, starved -- it has come with the righteous understanding that "We are more human. We are more worthy than them."

And those that stand against it-- those who say "this is wrong" they have also always existed . And often act as the catalyst for change. Those who know by instinct, by insight, or by role-modeling in their world. I often think [hope] that these people are in the majority. But people feel helplessness, disillusionment, and they back down.

Letting a world built on a shoddy foundation of "men can't help it-- the burden lies on women." continue to thrive, continue to see women as less valuable and less worthy of protection-- less worthy of hopes, dreams, aspirations. Less worthy of life.

And so we come back to this 23 year old young woman who died yesterday. Her life cut short by people who saw her as an object onto which to commit their brutal acts-- even while she bled, screamed, and cried in front of their eyes, they did not see, or did not want to see, or felt too 'empowered' to be able to see, or were willing not to see...

She was the same as them.

She is not the only one. But she is a catalyst, even in death.

No more excuses. We all have hopes, dreams,  and aspirations. We all feel pain, bleed, die.

오래간만이애요! it's been a long time

It really has. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. A new city. A new job. Yet in many ways things remain the same. Different but the same. 

In the past few years, a lot has changed in my life. I have been working hard towards my goal, towards my career. Now I have my first job in that field- nursing. I moved to a new city, close to where I grew up, but still not a familiar place to me. 

So much has happened over the past couple of years. I don't really want to rehash it all. Maybe a summary. I got sick. Really sick. I have an autoimmune disorder. I got some meds. I am feeling a lot better. Hope it stays that way.

My dog got diagnosed with cancer. For awhile I wasn't sure what would happen. How long he would live. If he would feel ok and be happy. A specialist saw him. He is on a med now that basically shrank his cancer to almost nothing. He is feeling happy and healthy. I am happy he is able to enjoy his dog life still, and glad I get to have my little companion with me. I don't know how long the meds will keep it at bay. Hopefully a long time.

Those are the big things. The stressful things. Finished grad school in nursing. Now I am working per diem on a postpartum unit. Which I really love. It can be nerve-wracking. Some days I come home feeling so proud of what I was able to accomplish-- other days I feel like I need 500 more years of practice. I love it though. I will keep working hard to be the best I can.

In my new city I got the chance to move in with an old friend from high school. It is great to get a chance to spend more time with her! We ended up making remarkably interestingly similar choices and having similar interests-- so it is fun to get to hang out together again.

On the side of hardness-- in this new place I don't really know anyone else. I haven't really made any friends at work per say. So when I am not at work I am not quite sure what to do with myself. I do have a lot of things I am planning on getting involved with. One of the cool things about nursing is that you can schedule it to have time for other interests too-- so your life includes your awesome job, but that's not all it is. Other things I am getting involved with/trying to get involved with:

• Working with refugee community members- starting this in mid January
• Getting in shape-- I started going to a personal trainer to get my butt properly whipped into shape (and the rest of me). Even before I started that I started exercising more regularly and trying to eat well. I'm feeling a lot better and starting to look like "myself" again. Huzzah. 
• Dance- I really miss my Kathak dance class I took in Boston. It was so great and I really liked being part of the community. I didn't find any Kathak classes here (sniffle) so I am considering doing some other kind of adult dance class--- something like hiphop/jazz sort of modern upbeat dancing.
• Learning Korean- as you may have guessed-- I am still thoroughly absorbed in learning Korean/about Korean culture, etc. Don't worry-- I still love India-- I just caught a Korean-interest bug too. There is always room for more cultures in my heart. ^^ I have been slowly (and inefficiently) learning Korean on my own-- but I really want to take a class.  

I also have hope that maybe I will meet some interesting potential friends while doing any of the above!! It's weird being in a place where you don't really know anyone (I know my roommate of course, but she is very busy at work most of the time-- she is a very hard worker!). 

This poor blog only gets comments from spammers these days due to my sad neglect. With my revival of artistic and emo-esque feelings, I hope to revive something out of it's cold cold ashes. 나는 행보가이애요. 감사합니다 for reading! 

Slavic "eye pockets"?

So I have been watching a lot of Korean T.V. dramas lately. They are quite addictive. Because of this I also have starting learning Korean. All the Hallyu shows have inspired me for some unknown reason. I always just seem to like learning languages that are very different than English and also very interesting. So far, it is going well-- and with all the kdramas and Korean language films I have been watching, it is easier to pick up the new vocabulary as well.

In addition, it has made me pay more attention to eyes. Naturally, all the lovely actors on the kdramas have a variety of eye shapes that are less familiar to me, and because of this, I started looking more at different eye shapes and being interested in the beauty and variety of different eyes from around the world. I have always been a fan of my own uniquely shaped eyes. I have what has always been described as "eye-pockets" on my maternal side-- this side is originally from Croatia and I have always been told that said eye-pockets are a Slavic trait. (That side also has English, French, and a mystery). Looking more closely at my own eyes, I realized my eye-pockets are even more pockety (hehe) than my mom's. Other family members are too far away to compare, so I got curious and began searching around about different eye shapes and different regions and peoples.

A photo of my mom from back in the day clearly shows her "eye pockets"

My eye pockets (with flash)

I started by searching "eye pockets" being such a common term in my family, I was surprised to discover no such mention of eye pockets or anyone using it as a describing word for eyes like mine. I began searching around more, comparing eyes from various regions-- and didn't find any photos of eyes that look like mine. So naturally, I became more curious. I found all these strange message boards of people comparing their eye-shapes based on what I think (?) are outdated and strange terms for grouping people by races (i.e. mongoloid eye shape). I thought it was weird that so many people were pouring over eye-shapes using these old school and non PC terms-- and of course it didn't lead me any closer to finding my 'eye pockets' any where out there in the world. Most people seem most interested in the "European" eye shape versus the "Asian" eye shape (in quotes since it is sort of obvious in real life that there is so much variation in both).

But rather than go by regions, it seems like eye shapes vary a lot based on the shape of your skull (i.e. the shape of your eye sockets and your nasal bridge). I think the nasal bridge is also associated with main thing that people can visually see as different to me in eye shapes-- the epicanthic fold-- typically associated with people's eyes from East Asia regions-- but it is also present in many other places too-- including Europeans (though we don't really realize this a lot).

So as I read all of this interesting info, I became even more confused about my "eye pockets".... What are they? Are they really common among Slavic people? If so, is there a specific reason. I think my eye pockets sort of have traits of an epicanthic fold-- they are a fold, and in the same area-- except they are up higher and don't cover the inner corner (medial canthus) of my eye.

So I decided to take some pictures of my possibly unique eye pockets, and share them with internet-land. I would love to know if anyone else has "eye pockets" like mine-- or if they know any better more widely used terms for these eye shapes.

My right eye shows the eye "pocket" more clearly

My left eye from an angle so you can see the 'fold' of my eye pocket

A picture from the front without a flash-- enlarge to see up close.

Being Othered

I wrote the following as a comment to the blog post "On Being Othered in an Elevator" at Sepia Mutiny, and wanted to share my response here as well. I think this is a very important topic that needs to be considered and discussed more.

I grew up in Maine. No one that I encountered on a regular basis was anything but white. In elementary school I had a few friends who may not have been white, but actually I have no idea where their families were from, and I didn't label them by race at that age. I grew up never once discussing anything related to appearance with someone who wasn't white. I moved to the city to go to college. At some point I started dating a guy. His family was from India. He grew up in the U.S. When we first started dating, we were holding hands, our hands laced together, and he mentioned the cover for the film Jungle Fever. I didn't know what he was talking about, so he said "The cover shows a White woman's hand and Black guy's hand, with fingered interlaced-- just like us." My response? Relaxed and comfortable I said "But you're not black, you're brown!"

At that moment, my cheeks began to burn. I wondered in my head "Did I just say something terrible? Something stupid? Something ignorant? Did I insult him terribly?" It was the first time I mentioned skin tone when talking to a non-white person. Growing up, we would discuss our skin tone among friends-- who was darker, who tanned easily, who burned, who had freckles, my many "Croatian" moles. Among my white friends, I had the darkest skin. I liked my skin. I was proud of it's olive tone. Growing up, we could discuss these things. It was not awkward, or worrisome about insult. It was just discussions-- like about how to perk up my very straight hair, or calm down my friends curly hair.

I don't remember how my boyfriend at the time responded to my comment- except that he didn't get upset or offended. I remembered thinking "Oh my God. I must sound so stupid and awkward." I remember being relieved that I hadn't made him upset in my observation on his skin tone (which was what it was meant to be-- but also sounded like a pronouncement of which "category" he should identify himself as). I also remember this as a symbol of how awkward I was at 21. How much my world has changed since then.

When "Possibly" says that people don't need to mention race or skin color at all-- that we should be blinded by equality, I absolutely disagree. Why? Because it's not how we normally act. I know I grew up comparing skin tones, talking about hair types and our appearances with my friends-- not in a who's better way-- just chatting, comparing, etc. I have no doubt that other children, regardless of race, also grew up doing this.

Saying "I don't see race" doesn't make us more equal. Saying "I don't see race." makes us ignore that racism and discrimination still exist. It also makes people like my 21 year old self afraid to make innocent (and yes, awkward) comments with someone she feels close to-- I still remember the feeling of panic: "Did I say something terrible?". I think that as humans we all naturally want to look and compare-- not to decide who is better, but to become comfortable in ourselves, to learn how our body is unique, maybe to complain a bit-- or come to terms with some part of our self that used to bother us. And let's face it-- friends of mixed backgrounds shouldn't have to live in fear of saying something related to skin tone might be The End of friendship-- because mentioning these things is equated with being a racist.

On the other hand-- I agree with Anna that this woman was inappropriate. This woman was not her friend. Not even an acquaintance. Anyone randomly and awkwardly calling your skin "interesting" on an elevator is awkward and bizarre-- but even more so if, as a minority, you have being "othered" based on your appearance growing up. It reminds you that people might see you as different, strange-- rather than how they see some other (white?) stranger in the same elevator.

I experienced this feeling for a tiny period of time when I was in high school. I grew up in Maine (as I said before) and while basically everyone was white, there were variations in hair color, skin tone, eye color, etc. People had different backgrounds and religions. As someone with very dark brown hair, brown eyes, and olive skin, I didn't feel too weird (though I always got the impression that I was seen as "ethnic" in my majority irish/french catholic high school). But during one summer I was a counselor in training (CIT) at a summer camp in Virginia. I went with a friend who had gone there before.

I remember feeling awkward upon arrival. Practically everyone I met was blonde with blue eyes. People would stare at me. I felt othered-- I felt like a strange zoo specimen rather than just another CIT. To add to this-- random people I did not know would come up to me asking:

"Where are you from?" "Maine" "No, what country?" "uhhhh, the U.S.?"

"Are you French?" "No?" "Where is your accent from? Are you from Europe?" "I'm from Maine. The State." "Oh. You sound French. And you look French too. You're not French?" (confused look).

"Are you Filipino?" "No." "Oh, I just thought you were-- because Filipino people have dark dark hair and light skin-- like you." "Really? No I'm not. I'm from Maine." (I was under the impression that Filipino people were generally Asian looking). "But like, what country?" "Um, part of my family is from Croatia. My great-grandparents?"

I remember being miserable that summer. I felt very lonely. I didn't make any friends at camp. If one person had made a comment like that, it probably wouldn't have bothered me. In fact, the words they were saying themselves were not really insulting or upsetting. Sometimes I thought it was amusing. It was more the FEELING it created. The feeling of "other"ness-- the message "You don't belong here." Those comments were part of it-- but also with that was the way I was treated (or ignored). It was part of larger behavior-- behavior in which people didn't want to get to know me-- but were marginally interested in my differences.

The difference between my short stint at summer camp in Virginia and Anna's story is that I "escaped" after camp was over. I returned to Maine, were my origin was not subject to constant scrutiny. I had a place where I felt "regular"-- where I felt like a normal person doing normal stuff. I can't imagine the frustration and angst one must feel-- having this feeling of other thrust upon them for most (all?) of their life. My two weeks of being an "other" are an unpleasant memory-- but I feel like I can avoid being in such a situation again. I can imagine how frustrating it could be to have to face this every day.

Miscellany

Hello! I, alas, have not been posting everyday, but I have been taking pictures. This post will include various exciting and thrilling pictures from Delhi, in no particular order.

drum roll please....

Anoushka- the dirty dorm dog (stray) has taken a liking to me, much to Vivek's dismay (I named her, of course). She likes a good tummy rub, but I try to avoid the touching part... foot-tummy-rubs are loved as well.
Additional cuteness. Anybody want to adopt a young, cute, friendly dog? She is already spayed! :P
My sister could not believe that milk comes in plastic bags. So I got some photographic evidence, for her viewing pleasure.
I was shocked (and thrilled!) to discover that there is now offically a Cinnabon in Saket City Walk Mall in South Delhi. I know now that my mom can survive in India! :P I enjoyed a tastey cinnabon, and they do indeed taste just the same. Yum yum.
I enjoy talking pictures of subway signs from around the world. Here are some lovelies from the Delhi metro, which we have used a lot lately. It can be a bit crowded but is very nice. Many more lines are open then when I was last here.
We were able to go to the Delhi Book fair. Many different publishers and book sellers from around Delhi were there selling their wares.. I was able to get some fun books for myself and found a few Urdu storybooks for some of my kids.
दिल्ली पुस्तक मेला - Self explanatory... :P

Today I kheenched this picture of one of the many political posters adorning the J.N.U. campus.

Lastly, here is a video of Delhi traffic.. I thought it would be fun for those who have not been to India to get an idea of what it is like.

That's all for now--- more to come!

December 26, 2010 Bucket Shower

My old friend the bucket shower.

Ingredients:
Person needing shower
bucket
mug
hopefully hot water from geyser (pronounced gee-zer in India)
soap
shampoo

Directions:
Take mug, pour water over head. Wash. Repeat. Feel refreshed.

December 25, 2010- Christmas Day

Christmas was a very special day so I figured it deserved it's own post. Yesterday was a great day-- I got to see many friends and we all got to enjoy the day together. In India Christmas is a government holiday, so many people had the day off to enjoy. Vivek and I got together with our friends Manish, Sakshi, Mona, Shawshwat, Anand, Amrindra, Manjul, Sarfaraz, Nusrat and Jaya. During the day we went out to Qutab Minar-- which was bhird hi bhrid (crowded as crowded can be!). We also found another smaller archaeological site that was free and quiet and very interesting. I have been to Qutab Minar before but going as a group entailed many pictures. After we can back to campus and enjoyed dinner and a small party together. Here are some select pictures from the day:

A little boy dressed as Santa gives out candy at Qutab Minar.

Anand takes a group shot.

I think Vivek must have taken this shot (?) at Qutab Minar.
Vivek will probably kill me, but this picture of him dancing cracks me up.

Photo Blog-- Since December 22, 2010

December 22, 2010


Vivek and I see each other after five months. (Jet lag?)

December 23, 2010

Kaveri Hostel- J.N.U. I know this picture is a bit blurry, but I love how this scene in the middle of Kaveri Hostel (Vivek's dorm) is so familiar now to me. I feel like J.N.U. is my second home.

Transportation-- A Blue Line Bus (the "Killer" buses in Delhi responsible for many deaths due to insane driving-- they are supposed to be phased out as the new Green non-AC and Red AC buses are phased-in along with the Metro (subway) in Delhi (new, fancy, and a bit crowded). A JNU student on a bike passes in front. Bikes are probably the most common form of transportation on campus and around India.

December 24, 2010 (Christmas eve)

New Payel (anklets)- a Christmas present from Vivek-- picked out with help from our friends Nusrat and Sarfaraz (to go with the black sari and bangles Vivek also picked out for me-- blouse in progress, so I don't have it yet!)

Me being a dork-face (as usual). This is Manjul-- Vivek's best friend, and we three enjoyed a lovely dinner together in CP. CP is going through some major renovations these days. Here we stand in front of the "Metro Station" sign for the newish Delhi subway system.

Just arrived in Delhi

Hello All,

I just arrived in Delhi the night before last. The trip itself was quite interesting. Just before I left Boston, a huge snow/ice storm hit Europe causing many delays. The morning of my flight I called Lufthansa (I flew on Lufthansa with an intended route of Boston-Frankfurt-Delhi) and the person I spoke with said up until that point, my flight was on time. I boarded my flight for Frankfurt (and was very luckily bumped to Business class! Lucky me!) and settled in, some falling asleep. Later I was woken by a flight attendant who informed me that we were going to land-- in Munich! Confused and half asleep, the kind flight attendant laughingly explained that Frankfurt was again closed due to ice and there was no other place for us to land. Soon we landed in Munich-- but being one of the only airports open there was no gate for us to park at, so we went out near the Lufthansa Cargo terminal and sat there. I fell back asleep, and a couple of hours later we took off again because Frankfurt reopened. Luckily, my second flight was much later in the day, so I still arrived in Frankfurt with plenty of time to get to my flight to Delhi. All in all, it wasn't too bad.

As we approached Delhi I got more and more excited. Sitting next to me was a very nice German woman on her first trip to India. Since I do not speak German, she gracious spoke in English (which was not a language she used often) but we were able to have some nice conversations. I also very much enjoyed Lufthansa-- which had friendly, helpful flight attendants and gate agents. A far cry from Air France! I also learned some new German words such as "Anschlussflüge" which means "arriving flight" (very useful, no?)and "guten appetit" (guess?). German is an interesting language and I enjoyed listening to it during my trip. I also enjoyed some pretty decent vegetarian airplane food-- especially in business class.

I arrived in Delhi about 1:30, and Vivek was ready to meet me. I was so happy to see him after all this time! We returned back to his dorm-- which now feels like home since I have spent so much time here. I am already feeling quite settled in and happy. The weather is very nice, sunny and warmish during the day and cooler at night. So far the food situation is going well, and I have gotten to see some of my friends. Hopefully will be seeing more soon.

I have planned on doing a picture a day type blog for this trip, but sadly I can't locate my camera right now.. I'm sure it's here somewhere, but Vivek is off at the barber getting a shave and I couldn't find it on my own, so it will have to wait for now.

A New Blog

Hi everyone, I know it has been a crazy long-time since I posted a blog here. Grad school has been a bit time-consuming. I just wanted to let people who may be interested know I have started a new blog in addition to this one. This blog will remain my personal blog, but the other will be focused on compassion, non-profits, and such.

If that sounds interesting to you, please check it out here: The Medicine of Altruism

Storm!

We had a pretty big storm up here in New England this past weekend. There were wind warning, coastal and areal flood warning, severe weather warnings and the like. We didn't have electricity for 3 days, so my sister and I spent some time driving around and seeing what was going on in the area. There were tons of trees down, knocking out power lines and hanging precariously over roadways. Many were blocked. The most surprising was the flooding though. We crossed one river in the area and saw the following:







We also saw some flooded roads, like this one:





And being horribly bored and without power, my sister and I entertained ourselves at the local outlets (which somehow had electricity before the homes, of course!)

Frumpy Dress of Doom:



Everyone needs a pair of camoflage, fleece-lined crocs, right? RIGHT?



We went back two days later (still without electricity) and saw that at least this families house was no longer under water:


You'll notice that their barbecue was actually on a deck!

Icky Sicky

Seems like everytime I go to India I get to experience a new and exciting ;) illness. This time, I got a normal cold right before I left. While there I drank some bad water (the fault was all mine!) and I was REALLY sick for a few days. Thanks to some lovely medicine I got better pretty quick, but I was quite weak for a while after that. It was weird, I had not really experienced the weakness of 'I feel fine until I try to walk up some stairs and then I feel like I might pass out'. Certainly a new experience. Well I recovered pretty nicely from that, but then on my long flight (a whole other story) home I started to get this strange itchy spot on my skin. By the time I got home it was a giant and horrible red raised circle and painful too!! I went to the doctor and found out I had cellulitis, which is an infection of the subcutaneous layer of your skin. Ew!

After getting on antibiotics again, I started my first semester of my nursing graduate program, which is very busy but going well so far. The cellulitis infection took some time to go away, and longer to heal. Now it has been a month and it was just about healed, when.... I got another one in a different spot. Ack. So here I am again, and wondering why I keep getting so lucky (haha). This time it is even more painful and also causing some low-grade fevers. fun fun.

My theory is that my immune system was weakened from the other two things I had, so it just is not in good shape right now. And I have the stress of grad school on top of it. Ah well, at least I get to learn about new diseases all the time for nursing! ;)

Spilling the Beans

OK, so awhile back I told you I had a few more things to tell you about what's going in my life. I was waiting for everything to get planned out and all set, so here it is:

I am happy to announce that I was accepted into the direct entry masters in nursing program that I applied for this summer. I am really excited and have been running around trying to get all the requirements done in time-- buying my scrub uniform, taking a cpr class, and so forth. It starts at the end of January, and it will be a two year program.

So in two years, I will finally have a career for myself. I am also really excited about the Clinical Nurse Leader aspect of the program, as I will be able to utilize my MA in cultural anthropology to help improve care in the U.S. I am also really looking forward to using this expertise in India as well, and I do certainly plan on going back to India and I can combine my studies of child rights, education, etc with the field of medicine.

Another exciting piece of news-- I have planned a 20 day trip to go visit Vivek in Delhi before the program starts. Right after Christmas I'll be headed out. I really can't wait. Not only will I get to see and spend some more good quality time with Vivek before my academic program becomes crazy busy (the first semester will be 19 credits!) but I will also get to see my friends that I have not seen in over a year.

Anyways, that's all for now. I'm pretty excited for both of these events!

Saba's Tutor Update!

I finally got the update on what was purchased for Saba in addition to her tutor, through the generous donations of many of you... :)

Here is what she and her family received:

8 8 months Pvt.Tuitions for the child(grade-II)
1 School Uniform for the child
1 School Shoes for the child
1 School Bag for the child
32 24 Exercise Copies,7 Pens,1 candy for the child
1 Emergency Light
1 Pedestal Fan
2 2.5 kgs of Rice
1 Transport Cost

I will get a letter from Saba soon in the mail, but the Children International people were nice enough to forward me the photos and information electronically beforehand.

LinZi Update: Life and Stuff

Hello hello,

I know, I know. Again it has been forever since I wrote anything. But I have been a very busy lady!

Some updates on my life: So in the past year, I have worked five jobs... first (desperate and unemployed) I got a job as a hostess at a very unfriendly-styled managed Mexican restaurant. This being a stressful, low paying, and underemployed option, I decided to add in an internship at Barakat, a non-profit working out of Cambridge. That was pretty cool, but since it didn't pay and the other job didn't really give me work, I had to give it up. THEN I starting working at a local day care, which was enjoyable, but tiring. I have recently gotten hired for a much better paying job with full-time hours. Yay! I applied for this job last December, and was on the waiting list for a loooong time. Now, of course, that I have this job, I have already applied for the Masters Nursing program that I have been dreaming out... hooray. (More on that soon).

SO right now, I am quite busy. Working my full time jobby job, taking my last nursing requirement course, and also working part time at a library... so if any of you wonder why you haven't seen or heard from me lately... well, there it is.. business abound.

I am not complaining though. Time is going by fast, and soon enough, I will be able to visit my lovely Vivek again soon. He has plans of his own in motion.

In other news, my lovely dog Murray is trying some new meds. He has had urinary incontinence since I adopted him and has to wear a specially (hand)made doggy wrap in doors, but recently the vet suggested some meds to try, which could help. Now, I have only had them on the meds for one day, so we will see how it goes. I am excited to see, as I am sure Murray would love to run free and naked indoors and out, as a dog should be.


Let's see? What else for today. Still waiting for an news from my sponsored child Saba, so when I get an update on her, I will be sure to add the details for all you people who graciously donated to her tutor fund! :)

I guess my post was very list-y today, but hopefully there will be more posts soon with news about nursing!

A Tutor for Saba: UPDATE

Thanks to many generous donations, the amount needed was earned for Saba. $50 will go towards her tutor and any other education needs, and the remaining $50 will be for anything her family needs.

Thanks so much to everyone who contributed. The money will reach CI at the end of the month, and when I get pictures and a letter I will make sure to post updates.

A tutor for Saba

Saba is a little 10 year old girl I sponsor through Children International who lives near Kolkatta, India. I have been sponsoring her since 2006. She enjoys studying languages at school, drawing and playing outside.

Saba started school late and therefore is in need of a tutor. She is currently in 2nd grade and needs some extra help with her writing skills especially, as she is behind compared to other children her age. She dreams of being a doctor someday.

A tutor for the year costs $26 in India, but since it is a special needs gift, a minimum of $100 is required. The rest of that money will be used for other things the family needs.

Due to the economic issues in the U.S. I have been struggling to pay for my two sponsored children's monthly sponsorship costs. While I could afford $26 for her tutor, I cannot currently make a $100 contribution on my own to help her with her education. If anyone would be willing to contribute to this fund, it will give Saba a chance for a tutor as well as other benefits for her family so she can be closer to her goal of becoming a doctor. :)

If you would like to contribute, please follow the link here: Help Saba get a Tutor

Any amount will help!